Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

Posted on August 9, 2009 - by Patrick

Bruised foreheads and lluminated feet…

Here I am, in this moment of uncertainty; brushing the sweat and dirt from my eyes I press on. Taking on step forward down the deep caverns of life, hoping that I am stepping in the right direction. Using the gospel as the lamp unto my feet is harder than the Sunday pastor makes it sound. The brusises from the walls throb on my forhead as I walk into another wall and then another – almost numb to the impact of making the wrong choice, taking the wrong turn, trusting the wrong person(s).

My greatest fear isn’t spiders or drowning, it isn’t rejection or being alone. My personal hell, is a place where I am in a position of not contributing, not making an impact, not investing. My calling pulls on my back like an overstuffed backpack full of lead weights. Always there, always reminding my of is presence by the blisters and the sore muscles.

How can my greatest gift from the Giver can be my greatest struggle?

I feel like i’ve been tested, abused, beaten down by the church – but for some reason like a co-depended abused wife, I just keep coming back for more. Hoping that one day, i’ll step into a situation where I could be the catalyst for growth and expansion of the Kingdom of God.

I believe in the Church, I believe in the Church as Paul believed in the Church. I’m willing to look past her adulterous and abusive tendencies and willing in step in and love Her, as many men and women have done in the past.

So I am here, embracing the throbbing cuts and the sore bruises. I will endure, press on and keep walking into walls of rock while the faint glow of the the One I follow illuminates my feet like a cellphone in the dark. I don’t know what the future looks like – I have given up on trying to map out the course – I just hope that I can see daylight soon, I feel like I’ve been chasing it for years and I don’t know if my eyes can take much more darkness.

Posted on August 7, 2009 - by Patrick

God of the Future

The future.

It lies before us like a track before a runner.

Unknown, unpredictable, unavoidable.

I have been pondering this idea of the future for some time. Thoughts about quantum physics, existentialism fill my mind.

Recent conversations about Calvinism, Fatalism and Universalism rest on my soul and keep me awake at night.

I have questions, many of them. It seems like the more I grow in Christ the more questions about this whole deal I have. How much freedom do we have? Do we have freedom at all? Or are we hostages of God, forced to go to heaven, were we will worship a God that we didn’t choose for all eternity. What about those that God didn’t choose, will they end up in Hell, where they will be separated from God for all eternity, not based upon a choice, but by a decision from the Creator.

Perhaps a better question is this, Do we, as those whom are in God have the potential to engage with God about the future? Can we change the mind of God? What is the connection between prayer and the future?

I think we as Christians are uncomfortable with the future. We are almost not allowed to engage in a conversation about the future. We almost feel as though it is not our place, that because God is sovereign the future is off limits.

But how do we explain men like Hitler, Stalin, Bin Laden, etc. These men not only believed they could create a certain future, they were on some level successful in creating (as evil as it was) a future of destruction and death for thousands, millions of people.

Is the future only accessible to the psychics, the dictators and the terrorists? What if Christians began, through the Holy Spirit began to engage with the future? What would that look like? What would our churches look like? How much more would we impact culture?

We know from scripture that God had conversations with men all the time about the future. We also know that God gave visions and dreams. God even gave dreams to pagan kings. In Jeremiah it says that in the last days, your young men will see visions and your old men will dream, dreams.

Why was this limited to the Old Testament, or even the New Testament? Paul in Corinthians even says that he wishes that we may all may speak in tongues, but above that he wishes that we may PROPHESY in love.

What does that mean? Is that possible for modern day believers?

I have studied Jeremiah 29:11 quite a lot over the past year as I have been trying to pray about my own future. We all know the text. “For I know the plans I have for you declares for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

“Plans” with our western, linear worldviews we see it more like a blueprint; where God has a detailed outline for our lives; however if you study the original Hebrew for “Plans” it more or less translates to thoughts, ideas or even DREAMS.

“For I know the dreams I have your you declares for you, dreams to prosper you, not to harm you, dreams to give you hope and a future.”

GOD’S PLANS ALWAYS INVOLVES HOPE

God is not exclusive, but inclusive. It is His desire that ALL might be saved.

In Genesis 18:16 there is an amazing story about Abraham intervening with God’s planned destruction of Sodom. God is ready to wipe these people out, and Abraham through a conversation somehow convinces God to spare the city if he found 10 righteous people.

God’s plan was set, he had made up his mind and Abraham cried out before him, “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are 50 righteous people in the city, will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for 50 righteous people?”

We do not love people more than God does. It is not God’s desire for anyone to perish.

The staple verse of our faith explains it well. “For God so loved the world, he gave his one and only Son…”

It did not say, For God so loved the chosen, or the elect, or the few, he said THE WORLD, and everyone in it.

It is not of God, if you say that God has not chosen an individual for salvation. Jesus did NOT die on a cross so that few may be saved, but all. It is God’s desire that none shall perish, but all shall inherit eternal life. And to say anything else is not a message of Jesus.

When Jesus spoke with the Canaanite women in Mathew 15; from the outside it looks like Jesus is excluding her because of whom she descended. This woman in faith comes to Jesus and asks for her daughter to be released from a demon. Jesus, in seemingly one of his worst moments says to her “I was only sent to the lost sheep of Israel.” If we end the story here, Calvinism and a Fatalistic Christianity would make sense. But the conversation didn’t end. The woman because of her great faith knelt before Jesus and asked again for desperate help. The disciples were pestering Jesus to send her away like a begging dog. Jesus, as almost as if he knew what would happen responded to the women “It is not right to take the children’s bread and feed it to their dogs.” Again in her faith and desperation responded, “Yes Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the masters table.” Jesus commended her faith, and delivered her daughter.

I believe this was a lesson to both the disciples and to us. It does not matter your ethnicity, your background, your education you race, your sexual orientation, God came to earth to save all for those who come to Jesus in faith.

Jesus said there is a narrow gate and a wide gate, and that many will CHOOSE the wide gate that leads to death, and that few will choose the narrow gate and choose life.

We are called in Mathew 28:19 to extend to all areas of the earth and make disciples and baptize. We do this to fulfill the commission that Jesus laid out for us before He ascended into heaven.

Yes, it is true that God chosen you, however it is also true that He has chosen your family, your friends, your coworkers, your town, your country, your world to come to know him. And He has chosen you, to bring the hope and truth to them.

Posted on August 7, 2009 - by Patrick

Grace in the window, Peace at the door.

With the comforting Southern California sun on our backs, My new friends Joby and Jr. and I walk down the streets of downtown Los Angeles, cameras in hand, enjoying some good coffee and great conversation.

I love moments such as these because for so many, the City of LA is just a city. But to walk down streets that for most will only drive by on the way to an seemingly more important destination, we make our way down the littered reddened streets, it’s hard not to noticed the accidental beauty in it all. What was left on the ground, tagged on the side of a building or stacked by a warehouse is now a perfect subject for our Nikon cameras. It’s almost as if what was meant for garbage, vandalism and junk is now, through the right lens is a work of beauty.

I want to share a story of a six year old girl from Tampa, Florida.

Danielle is a living, walking example of the grace of God breathed into one little girl and her adaptive parents.

Danielle was born into a broken, messed up family in Tampa Florida. Her father was out of the picture, it was her and her mother living in a run down one bedroom, cockroach and vermin infested “house” in a rough part of Tampa. Her mom, struggling with her own brokenness and sin, neglected Danielle from birth. She was never held, talked to or fed properly.

She lived seven years before anyone discovered of her or her neglectful mother. When authorities found her, she was cowered in the corner in the cigarette butt and dead bug littered floor. She weighed 46 pounds. She was malnourished and anemic. In the pediatric intensive care unit they tried to feed the girl, but she couldn’t chew or swallow solid food. So they put her on an IV and let her drink from a bottle.

She wouldn’t make eye contact. She didn’t react to heat or cold — or pain. The insertion of an IV needle elicited no reaction. She never cried. With a nurse holding her hands, she could stand and walk sideways on her toes, like a crab. She couldn’t talk, didn’t know how to nod yes or no. Once in a while she grunted.

She couldn’t tell anyone what had happened, what was wrong, what hurt.

“In the first five years of life, 85 percent of the brain is developed,” said Dr. Armstrong, the psychologist who examined Danielle. “Those early relationships, more than anything else, help wire the brain and provide children with the experience to trust, to develop language, to communicate. They need that system to relate to the world.”

Meet Bernie and Diane Lierow.

Bernie, 48, remodels houses. Diane, 45, cleans homes. They have four grown sons from previous marriages and one together. Diane couldn’t have any more children, and Bernie had always wanted a daughter. So last year, when William, their youngest was 9, they decided to adopt.

Danielle’s caseworker was working very hard to find her a permanent home. A year after her dramatic rescue, living in a special needs foster situation, she was placed in the Heart Gallery. The Heart Gallery — a set of portraits depicting children available for adoption. The Children’s Board displays the pictures in malls and on the Internet in hopes that people will fall in love with the children and take them home.

Around Thanksgiving of 2005, the Lierow’s attended the Heart Gallery Gathering held in Tampa. Diane stepped out of the chaos of the crowds, into an alcove beneath the stairs. That was when she saw it. A little girl’s face on a flier, pale with sunken cheeks and dark hair chopped too short. Her brown eyes seemed to be searching for something.

Diane called Bernie over. He saw the same thing she did. “She just looked like she needed us.”

When they met Danielle at her school, she was drooling. Her tongue hung from her mouth. Her head, which seemed too big for her thin neck, lolled side to side.

She looked at them for an instant, then loped away across the special ed classroom. She rolled onto her back, rocked for a while, then batted at her toes.

Diane walked over and spoke to her softly. Danielle didn’t seem to notice. But when Bernie bent down, Danielle turned toward him and her eyes seemed to focus.

Everyone told them not to do it, neighbors, co-workers, friends. Everyone said they didn’t know what they were getting into.

They brought her home on Easter weekend 2007.

Let’s take a step back shall we.

Let’s go all the way back to the Garden of Eden.

In the beginning God created everything in the world whole, complete, right.

The Garden of Eden represented balance, glory, majesty. A physical representation of the creator.

When God brought Man into picture this completed the painting. God, man walking in perfect relationship, harmony in paradise on earth.

In the Garden of Eden there was peace. Everything was right with the world.
The Hebrews call this special peace “Shalom” (שָׁלוֹם).

When Adam and Eve partook in the forbidden fruit from the tree; something happened. The peace, the Shalom was broken. Man, God separated.

Disconnected. Un-whole. Un-right.

What allows sin to abound on earth is an absence of Shalom, an absence of wholeness.
Why Danielle’s story is so amazing, is because her story, her life is a beautiful, messy work of art painted with the grace and mercy of God.

When Bernie and Diane Lierow decided to adapt Danielle, they became active in bringing about the kingdom of God through restoring wholeness, bringing back the Shalom that was lost by our distant relatives Adam and Eve.

Most see Danielle as a disabled Seven year old who can’t speak, who drools, who has the mentality of an infant.

The Lierow’s just see their daughter. And they love her.

This is grace.

This is restoring shalom in a chaotic and broken world.

What I love about Jesus, is that he can’t help but see great art in ordinary people.

Where lives have been broken, messed up and abused — he repairs, creates and inspires.

Those who have been counted out, dismissed are the very lives Jesus almost calls out to greatness.

Paul’s life is a great example.

Paul (Saul) was a persecutor of the very ones that followed Jesus. He beat them, arrested them and even killed them.

Where most saw Saul as someone to hate, to fear — Jesus saw a canvas with potential.

It’s amazing to me then that when Paul begins to instruct the church, he uses the same two words for every salutation, “Grace and Peace”.

Grace always brings benefits and one of these benefits is reflected in the word “peace” which the Apostle always associates with God’s grace. In fact, the order is significant. First grace and then peace. Perhaps, until we know and appropriate grace, we can’t experience peace.
This is what Paul speaks over and into the church. He speaks wholeness over the church that he once dedicated his career to destroying, he speaks grace over people whom he committed his life to killing.

Grace, pulls us out of the darkness and pushes us into relationship.

Shalom, calls us to wholeness and to bring wholeness to the world.

Restoring Shalom to it’s rightful place in our world is our mission.

Restoring Shalom is sharing hope with the lost.

Restoring Shalom is always voting on the side of peace.

Restoring Shalom is bringing beauty into a ugly world.

Restoring Shalom is opening the eyes of the world to what true art is.

Grace
and
Peace.
Restore.
Whole.
Complete.

Posted on August 7, 2009 - by Patrick

Sin isn’t the point (or take a lesson from Bob)

*Written and posted Tuesday, February 3, 2009

This blog has taken several months to process to the point where I feel comfortable sitting down to write. It is pieced together from papers

that I have written for school, conversations that I’ve had, experiences that I’ve found myself in and a overall paradigm shift on how I view Christian spirituality.

I sit now in a dark green, partially warn-in chair at a half filled Starbucks on Grand Avenue in Diamond Bar, California. I sip my soy grande, extra hot, triple cappuccino and I listen to the comforting sounds of the espresso maker over a Neil Diamond track which is being played overhead.

“What have you learned in the past year since you’ve began to traveled so much,” my friend Kyle asked one night while I was home visiting. It was this question which was asked while I was sitting in a pub on the Main Street of Dubuque on a cold night in early January that really opened up my soul to explore such a deep and complicated issue. I take a sip of my Fat Tire to give my self a moment to properly formulate a articulate and honest answer.

“I’ve learned grace,” I said setting my luke warm beer down on the pub table. “I’ve learned that no matter what part of the country I’m in, no matter what the local economy looks like or an individuals social status, people need grace and hope.”

Some where along the way, my own brokenness has enabled me to see that no matter what the socioeconomic status of an individual appears to be, deep down there is a disconnect from truth, from hope.

Let me back up for a moment. In order to talk about hope, grace and truth I want to speak for a moment on a more … bleak and depressing topic.

Sin.

The following questions I’ve studied, lost sleep over and processed for months now:

1. What is sin?
2. Why is said sin so bad?
3. What is atonement? What is it’s role in my life?

Simple questions for even the most elementary of Christians. However I think there is more going on with the idea of sin than we might realize.

Here is how I think most of us view the concept of sin.

Meet Bob.

Bob has a good life, he has a good wife (Jane), smart kids (Chris and Sarah) and drives a new sleek black Prious.

Bob loves Major League Baseball, golf on the weekends and shooting pool with his co-workers every Friday after work.

One day while at the bar, Bob turns around from ordering a beer and bumps into a tall blond in a red dress. Bob looks up from the cold beer which is running down his hand and shirt and locks eyes with this stunning work of creation.

Bob is caught in a moment of lust, but turns away and sheepishly looks the other way.

“It’s okay,” the blond in the red-dress assures him. “My name is Veronica, and you are?”

Bob awkwardly gives his name begins a conversation. After a while his nervousness fades and he slips his hand into his pocket and pulls off his scratched 12 year old wedding band.

The next thing you know, Veronica is on his arm on the way out to the sleek, black Prius and sits in the passenger seat normally reserved for his wife, first love and the mother of his two children.

Bob is what we call, toast.

Let’s end the story right there because the end is irrelevant. Whether Bob engages in sex or not is not necessary to understand the gravity of Bob’s mistake and the consequences Bob will have to face later on.

Let me ask a few simple questions help you track with where I’m going.

1. What is going to happen that night when Bob pulls into the driveway, opens the door and faces his wife of 12 years.
2. Whether he tells his wife or doesn’t – what affect will this have on his marriage?
3. How will this affect his kids?
4. Will he do it again, will it be easier to go back for more or to meet another women?

Let’s deviate from Bob and his adultery for a moment and talk more frankly shall we.

What is sin? Why is it so bad? For most of us, we hold a “pre-atoned view” of sin.

For most of us, we view sin as a law broken, a rule ignored, a mistake, a mess up, blowing it, etc. But sin goes far deeper and is far worse than a rule broken.

I am going to say something that is going to make all your theological hairs on the back of your head stand on end.

Sin isn’t the point.

Yeah you read that right. Sin isn’t the point. The rule isn’t the point. In fact, if you hold worldview based in Christian framework, sin isn’t an issue anymore.

Sin is forgiven.

But as many of us have learned all to well, forgiveness is not equal to an escape from consequence.

Let me unpack this further. My friend Andrew invited me over to watch the Super Bowl this past Sunday. I had a great time. I consider Andrew a great friend, however let’s say for a moment that when I went over and I saw a Twenty dollar bill sitting on the kitchen table. This money was to go to his sponsor child in Tanzania. I decided that I needed the twenty dollars more than the starving African child and so I take it and slip it into my jeans.

Later that night I leave and I come to work the next day. Andrew stops me in the hallway and asks me if I remember seeing it. I say no and he calls my bluff. He said he saw me take the money and put it in my back pocket.

Shame on me. (By the way, this hypothetical)

I apologize and he forgives me, I even give him back the money. He says all is forgotten.
But is that truly the end? Do you think Andrew, or Andrew’s wife will be apt to invite me over again?

Maybe, maybe not. But most likely not, and even if they do, they will hide their valuables before I come over and rightly so.

Will they love me less? No, not in the biblical sense of the word anyway.

If it is true that sin has been taken care of by Jesus on the Cross. If it is true that our sins are atoned for not by our merits but by the blood shed by a man who offered his own life has a perfect sacrifice. If all that is true, the rule broken is no longer the point.

The point to this thing, the reason why sin, is well…sin. The reason why God hates sin so much, is because of one relatively short word.

Relationships.

When you sin, there is more going on then you just breaking a rule. This isn’t kindergarten. There isn’t a laminated poster in heaven with your name on it. God isn’t there watching you, waiting to open the cap to his red dry erase pen so he can put a check by your name. Even if there was, your checks would be wiped clean.

Sin is more like you are throwing a rock into a still lake and causing a damaging ripple affect on all of your relationships. Your relationship with your wife, your kids, your friends, your neighbors and even God.

One of my favorite places to walk around and learn about people is West Hollywood in LA. I love it down there. You have such a mosaic of diversity, it’s like an epicenter of culture and humanity all in a few short blocks. On Saturday nights if you walk on Hollywood Boulevard about 9pm you’ll see the same group of people with the same signs protesting behavior with an unattractive home made sign. There is a lot of shouting and a lot of emotion.

The men and women who do this miss the point, not because they are necessarily wrong about certain behaviors that they are condemning (even though they make up some of their own rules as well), they miss the point because they make the rules the point. They make the behavior the point. They make the sin the point.

The sin isn’t the point, relationships are the point.

Really if I can be totally honest for a moment. We need a new word for sin. Sin has a bunch of connotations that don’t line up with the true biblical definition of the word.

I think on some level people know they are sinful, they may not call it that, but they know that they are flawed deep down. How do they know this? Because their relationships are jacked up.

How can you tell how sinful you are? Take a look around at how many positive, life-giving relationships you have and are maintaining. Are you a joy to be around? Do people feel safe around you? Do people smile when you enter the room?

And I’m not just talking about shallow, surfacey, fun type relationships (even those matter as well), I’m talking about waking you up at 3am crying type of relationships. I’m talking about inviting you over to baby sit their precious first born infant type of relationship. The type of relationships that takes years to develop.

God hates sin because at sins core, sin destroys relationships.

For some reason we think that sin is a personal thing. That the rules that I break today, will only affect me tomorrow.

The reason why Bob’s story is such a travesty, isn’t because he broke a rule in the bible. The heartbreaking fact is that sooner or later, that ripple is going to hit the shore of his life — he will at some point in the future have to face it.

Here is the thing that I have learned this year of traveling. I need people for my own well-being, happiness and satisfaction. My soul craves connections with those on the outside. I need people to feel at home even though I am not sure where home is anymore.

I have traveled to New York City, Washington D.C., LA, San Diego, Phoenix, Las Vegas, Dallas, Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco and every where in between all in the past 12 months. Here is the thing that I’ve noticed; everyone has some of the same fears, insecurities and same uncertainties of their futures.

Rich, poor, black, white, mid-western farmer or Hollywood hipster — we all desire the same thing. We long…no need relationships in our lives. We are all compelled to connect with humanity, if for some, only for the briefest of moments.

The cool thing about this whole thing is there is something that Paul the Condemner turned Apostle referred to as “Charis” (khar’-ece) which literally means ‘unmerited, favor, joy, connection’.

Grace is something that I am learning more and more about. I mean we hear about this term all the time; however I don’t think we know the true implications of such a word, such a concept on our lives not only as believers but as people.

It is such a small word but it means so much. God has breathed Grace into moment after moment into every aspect of our lives. Whether you are Christian or Muslim, Jew or Atheist – the thing that gives us ability to stop and extend a hand to those in need is grace. The energy that gives us the strength to hold back that one thing, that one thing we just really want to say to someone who has been rude and has had a rough day is grace. The rag that wiped my transgressions from my life by the blood of Yahshua (Jesus) is Grace.

I call this Grace 360.

The same grace that God extends to me in my moment of weakness I then must extend to others.

The same grace that God has covered my life with, I must too cover the lives of those whom I connect with.

Grace is the mortar to which keeps relationships working, functional and fruitful.

Grace is doing the dishes for a roommate who forgot.

Grace is extending a dollar to a person in need.

Grace is standing up for those who have been beaten down, bruised and no longer have the energy to stand on their own.

Grace is looking past the flaws in others because we know how many flaws line the shallow walls of our own souls.

Grace having a conversation with someone about hope and truth because someone has that same conversation with us.

Grace is stepping into a friendship with those whom we fear, dislike and don’t relate with.
Grace being comfortable in our own skin.

The person I was five years, one year, six months ago is not the person I am today. What I believed a short time ago isn’t what I believe in this moment. My life, my relationships, my beliefs are constantly growing, being stretched, being tested by the circumstances that I find myself in daily.

I used to fear, dislike homosexuals – that is until I formed a deep and lasting friendship who was Gay.

I used to fight, argue and split-hairs over belief, theology and spirituality – that is until I have looked back at my footprints of my own spiritual journey.

One of the encounters that Jesus has in the scripture is a women who was “caught” in adultery. She was brought before Jesus to test the Rabbi to see if he would do what the Pharisee’s had thought the Torah had commanded him to do. They wanted to put Jesus in a corner where he had to choose Charis, (or Grace) over justice of sin. Could Jesus ignore the sin, doesn’t sin have to be dealt with they were essentially saying?

By the way, have you ever wondered where they Pharisee’s knew where to look to find a women who was … “more liberal in her sexual desires”. No real proof to anyway thing, just a thought.

It’s interesting to me what Jesus does in this moment. The pharisees give Jesus this ultimatum of stoning this women because of her behavior or ignoring the scripture. Jesus kneels down and draws in the sand and says the words that we all know, that have been echoed by even some of the most ill-religious people, “He who is without sin cast the first stone.”

With out looking up, he says to this to these men. And these men walk away leaving just the two of them. Which is also interesting.

Jesus then asks her, “Who is left to condemn you?” the woman must have sheepishly looked around, then at Jesus and said “No one, teacher, they have all left.”

Jesus proceeds says something amazing. Here it is, “Go then and sin no more.”

He extended his hand of grace by letting her walk away scott free for breaking an important Jewish law back in the 1st century. His only request; that she sins no more.

It’s interesting to me that the writers never mention anything about anyone defending the women. No one coming to her rescue. This is perhaps the devastating part of the story. We picture this skinny, filthy women standing there in tattered rags covered with the cloth of lawlessness and surrounded by the heavy air of condemnation.

And she is alone. Even after her accusers leave, she is all alone. However even in our most dark and broken moments, grace is still there.

Maybe the reason why Jesus wanted her to “Go and sin no more…” wasn’t because he was concerned about a law, a rule broken or what some religious leaders thought. He was concerned that she was all alone.

Sin leads always us to solitude.

Darkness.

The cave of our own thoughts.

Sin drives us away from love, connection, hope, our potential.

“But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes.” 1 John 2:11

Grace leads us to the light.

Grace leads us out of the cave of solitude.

Grace pulls us forward into relationships and into a future that is abundant and full.

We need grace because we need people. We need people because God has wired us to be connected. Humanity is weaved together in a colorful blanket the size of eternity itself. To emerge from the darkness and to find ourselves surrounded by light is freedom at its maximum. To go, to be, to engage the world and leave an impact is our calling, our mission our choice.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness hasn’t overcome it…”

Sin isn’t the point.

Posted on August 7, 2009 - by Patrick

A Lesson in Church Marketing