Posts Tagged ‘life’

Posted on August 9, 2009 - by Patrick

Bruised foreheads and lluminated feet…

Here I am, in this moment of uncertainty; brushing the sweat and dirt from my eyes I press on. Taking on step forward down the deep caverns of life, hoping that I am stepping in the right direction. Using the gospel as the lamp unto my feet is harder than the Sunday pastor makes it sound. The brusises from the walls throb on my forhead as I walk into another wall and then another – almost numb to the impact of making the wrong choice, taking the wrong turn, trusting the wrong person(s).

My greatest fear isn’t spiders or drowning, it isn’t rejection or being alone. My personal hell, is a place where I am in a position of not contributing, not making an impact, not investing. My calling pulls on my back like an overstuffed backpack full of lead weights. Always there, always reminding my of is presence by the blisters and the sore muscles.

How can my greatest gift from the Giver can be my greatest struggle?

I feel like i’ve been tested, abused, beaten down by the church – but for some reason like a co-depended abused wife, I just keep coming back for more. Hoping that one day, i’ll step into a situation where I could be the catalyst for growth and expansion of the Kingdom of God.

I believe in the Church, I believe in the Church as Paul believed in the Church. I’m willing to look past her adulterous and abusive tendencies and willing in step in and love Her, as many men and women have done in the past.

So I am here, embracing the throbbing cuts and the sore bruises. I will endure, press on and keep walking into walls of rock while the faint glow of the the One I follow illuminates my feet like a cellphone in the dark. I don’t know what the future looks like – I have given up on trying to map out the course – I just hope that I can see daylight soon, I feel like I’ve been chasing it for years and I don’t know if my eyes can take much more darkness.